||[Aug. 3rd, 2007|11:57 am]
I always come to this cul-de-sac and I keep turning back. I'm afraid of burning bridges because I always want this safety net to fall back on. I walk a bit and then I come back from said walk. I'm not just talking about literally but also metaphorically in every walk of my life. If I'm to find what I'm searching for, I must learn to start venturing further forward and relinquishing that of my past which I need to slough off. It's funny, because it's a Christian book that a new friend of mine had lent me, which is part of what I've gleaned this new wisdom from. It talked about how it's difficult to get horses out of a burning barn because they are familiar with their stall and will burn up in their stall before attempting to run from the fire because it is animal (including humans) nature to often confuse the familiar with safety and the unfamiliar with danger which is not always true.|
Some months ago I had passed a milestone in my life. The milestone was an awakening to the world. The world is deeper and richer than we could possibly imagine and the depth is like an abyss, it just keeps getting deeper and deeper, filling up with more richness. At the time, it was difficult to explain that milestone. It has gotten easier now. I truly believe that my next milestone will be a relinquishing of the past and a rebuilding of future, a rubicon which I will embark upon. I just hope that in my rubicon, it doesn't mean that I have to completely disappear from everyone's life. Because those I truly call friend, I love. I guess only time will tell. What I discover will take me where I need to be, and if it means relinquishing of everything of me, a reincarnation of sorts, I suppose that's what it means. But even in that, there is optimism, the chance to meet in the next life, right?
Another thing that I've been contemplating is about love. I think love is like hope, it keeps us going and it helps form ourselves into better people, a more ideal of ourselves. The idea that if we can't or won't be motivated to do something for ourselves that maybe we'll do something to better ourselves for others. As long as we don't completely lose ourselves in others, perhaps it's healthy to an extent. And as long as we're willing to accept the prize at the end, even if it's not what we expect. Perhaps the prize of loving unconditionally, another, wasn't the person we love but someone else who loves us as equally, someone we never expected. Or maybe the prize was learning to love ourselves for what we are or perhaps the prize isn't love at all, but lessons learned and wisdoms that really enlighten us and lead us closer to personal ascension. Unconditional love is never bad or wrong as long as we leave our expectations at the door. Besides, I remember someone telling me how love and hate were conditions like weather is a condition; like rain and snow. And while we can't stop the rain from coming or the snow from falling, we can choose what we do about it and how we react to it.